He's back!

Sports Santa has had several sports figures sit on his knee this holiday season and he has heard some wacky requests.

This year Sports Santa adds a new wrinkle. Sports figures may now e-mail Santa for his advice at sptssanta@lardbutt.com.

On to sports celebrities' requests and Santa's suggestions.

Dear Sports Santa,

I hated to leave the Timberwolves but Commissioner Stern made it virtually impossible for me to return. Any chance I could play for the Wolves again?

J. Smith@motorcity.com

Dear J. Smith,

Santa is sending you erasable ink pens in case you ever consider signing another contract with the Wolves.

You know, Joe, the Wolves don't miss you all that much. LaPhonso Ellis has filled in nicely but if there are injuries for any length of time the Wolves will be hurting. That's where you would have come in.

Santa wishes you well in Detroit. While you're there, could you get Santa a deal on a new Buick?

Dear Sports Santa,

Can the Twins continue to be a major league franchise? Alex Rodriguez' contract for $252 million may be worth more than the Twins' next 30 payrolls.

B. Huskey@strikethree.com

Dear B. Huskey,

Santa would like to present you with one of the whiffle bats he and the elves play with in the driveway. It's wide enough to help you hit the ball but Santa can't help you with stepping in the bucket at the sight of a curveball.

Santa thinks the Twins' days are numbered although he hasn't been able to contain his excitement since they signed free agents like 36-year-old catcher Tom Prince (isn't he a singer?) and minor league infielder Edwin Diaz. Why pursue Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez or Mike Mussina when high-profile free agents like Prince and Diaz are available?

Dear Sports Santa,

Do we have a chance to be competitive in the Big Ten with only nine scholarship players?

D. Monson@thebarn.com

Dear D. Monson,

Santa has negotiated with the NCAA to permit Rick Rickert to skip the last half of his senior season at Duluth East and join the Gophers for the Big Ten opener Jan. 3 at Illinois.

Rickert is the best high school player Santa has seen. He can score, rebound, block shots, handle the ball and shoot the three. He's El-Amin, McHale, Jacobson and Przybilla, all rolled into one.

Santa is shocked to see your Gophers are 9-1. They don't have a center, your guards are suspect and so are your forwards. Santa shouldn't have any problem purchasing tickets this winter?

Dear Sports Santa,

Our regular season is ending on a rather tenuous note. We have the greatest offense in the NFL but our defense is as formidable as Saddam Hussein's. Can we still win the Super Bowl?

D. Green@fatalbert.com

Dear D. Green,

Santa has cleared it with Commissioner Paul Tagliabue to allow Warren Sapp, Derrick Brooks, Jevon Kearse, Junior Seau, Ray Lewis and Charles Woodson to play for the Vikings in the playoffs.

A team that averages almost 26 points ought to be safe but when its defense gives up an average of 23 it makes things hairy. Santa thought this was the year the Vikings would remove the albatross of losing four Super Bowls. Right now Santa thinks the Vikings will find a way not to get there.

By the way. Can you get Santa a Starter jacket like yours?

Dear Sports Santa,

What's all the commotion about a few players' unauthorized use of a university long-distance telephone card? Can't the public see we're in the midst of preparations for the prestigious Micronpc.com bowl?

G. Mason@1-800-collect.com

Dear G. Mason,

Santa can't blame a few college students for being lonely, getting on the horn and calling Mom and Dad. Maybe they were doing homework for a telemarketing class. Santa hopes the Gophers don't get called for any penalties or have any touchdowns called back in the prestigious Micronpc.com bowl.

Have a Merry Christmas!