Adding SPICES to holiday stress

The holiday season has been successfully morphed into a consumer and retailer love-hate relationship. Many a well-meaning parent, teacher and clergy have instructed us to "STOP the consumerism."

Grand idea. It is as though they assume something of higher order will naturally take its place. There are magical hopes for family member harmony, relieving the excessive drain on finances, and quelling feelings of anticipation for more, bigger, better"stuff." Minds do not work this way, especially the minds of youngsters.

This time of year also produces anxiety and reactivates emotional wounds for many. We become unwitting participants in our family dysfunction as a result of spending a little time together. The unpleasant patterns have time to emerge in the holiday hours or days; but without enough time to work them out. Combine the frequent impairment from alcohol, and the communications sink lower and get there faster.

I have little interest in providing another description or explanation of all these issues. I do have adequate space to tender a plan of what YOU CAN DO to move from holiday season distress to something better. I assure you that by applying this plan, the good you nurture is able to take on a life-of-its-own and generate new, better habits in your children.

There is consensus that the notions of Community, Society and Spiritual Wholeness are what we wish the Holiday Season to signify. Children have the most to gain in pursuit of such a notion and children are also the easiest to lead astray by advertising "stuff."

I do not imply that all children have been neglected or are ignorant about higher order notions for the holiday season. But regardless of their age and whatever their exposure has been; it is inadequate and ineffective in curbing our materialism or to raise their involvement with fellow humans.

What can you do to enlighten your children, family and friends and affect a change in genuine behavior? We could add more SPICES to our Holiday Season. SPICES decoded are: Simple, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality and Stewardship. Your first job is to read this article with the intention of putting it in to practice. The next job is to define and live these notions.

Albert Schweitzer is often credited with stating the most important thing a parent can do for their children is "set a good example." I provide a little boost next. Get out a pencil and paper and list what SPICES words mean in your working memory. Get out your dictionary or get on your web browser and do it!

Simple use what is necessary and effective; not simplistic, cluttered or complicated

Peace participating in positive acts. Peace is more than Not being aggressive

Integrity the individual devoted to personal excellence and to "walking their talk"

Community coordination of and interdependence of all people and their needs

Equality of and for all peoples everywhere

Stewardship careful management of earth and her resources.

Next, find an adult to practice your teaching before moving on to children. Plan on two or three fifteen-minute discussions over a couple days. Better yet, invite a few others to read this article and have them prepare lists too. The purpose is to bring out the best in yourselves and each other; not to be competitive and critical.

Once you have completed your "student teaching" exercise you have an appreciation of how broad and how in-depth we can define and use the SPICES concept. Even adults put these to use in different ways and at different rates. Next, prepare a specific plan for each child depending on age, interest, and ability to understand these concepts well enough to put them to use in their own thinking, speaking, and doing.

If this plan is to become more than wishful thinking, post times on your calendar. Take one word of SPICES with each child, each week for five minutes until you have discussed each word. Then, once each month, take ten to 20 minutes and you will change their lives as individuals, as family members and as fellow human beings.

My wish is simple. May your use of Holiday Season SPICES enrich and enhance your experiences of life and influence all of those around you. If we want our children to think of their existence as more than an "economic unit" in marketing plans, we have to teach them why and show them how.

This montly feature is contributed by the Crow Wing County Local Advisory Council on Children's Mental Health. This article was written by Mark Orth, a psychologist specializing in marriage and family matters at Lutheran Social Service Counseling Center, 218-828-7379 or mark.orth@lssmn.org <mailto:mark.orth@lssmn.org>