The first team to win four games will be the champion.
I don't watch Major League Baseball like I used to because the Twins aren't in it, and probably won't return to the Fall Classic until the next millennium. Plus, the last of the countless player strikes has ruined the game.
I can't name more than five players for the Mets but I root for any team that doesn't have Chuck Knoblauch on its roster.
Who the heck is playing? I thought baseball was still on strike. Does Billy Martin still coach the pinstripes? Are Strawberry and Gooden still in New York? Is Steve Howe off his 20th suspension yet?
The Giants and the Jets, ah.
"No, you idiot," said my overbearing boss Dispatch Sports Editor Mike Bialka. "It's the Yankees and the Mets."
I don't care. The big subway series would be more interesting if they actually played in the subway while the trains were running.
The only white ball I hit during the summer usually accompanies the yell of "fore."
I really didn't think the Jets would get this far. I have to pick the Giants because they've won two Super Bowls while the Jets have only won one and that was because of Joe Namath. Or was it Phil Simms?
"You idiot, that's football," Bialka yells at me as I try to figure out who is playing in the World Series.
I'm taking the Yankees in six because I like Luis Sojo. Or was it Wayne Chrebet? I know, I know, It was Don Zimmer. He almost looks like the Gerber Baby.
Assistant Sports Editor
Someone will win, someone will lose, someone will get rained out. They'll all just be glad to be here and glad their team isn't feeling any pressure because the pressure is on the other team.
Roger Clemens will get hit in the head by a pitch and blame the Red Sox fans. Chuck Knoblauch will pout and wander the streets.
Hillary Clinton will sit in the stands with Jane Fonda and they will do "The Chop" during the seventh-inning stretch of each game.
There will be champagne inside the winner's locker room. There will be Pete Rose outside the winner's locker room, selling assorted things with his name on them (the signature will be fake). Someone will get hit by a flying battery. Barbara Walters will interview the winning manager and ask what kind of a tree he would like to be.
There will be a comedian hired to do play by play -- no, not Tim McCarver. Someone, somewhere will interview Tommy Lasorda and, unfortunately, the interview will be aired.
There will be no joy in Mudville when New York wins in 6 -- Yankees.
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