Dealing with deployment

Singing songs and having children talk about their feelings were a few tips offered to parents to help children cope with having a family member deployed in Iraq.

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Becky Bontjes, a mental health therapist who works with children at Cornerstone Counseling Center in Baxter, spoke during the Headquarters and Headquarters Company 1-194th Family Readiness Group meeting Monday at the Brainerd Armory.

About 30 people, including several parents with young children, attended the meeting. Bontjes, whose husband was previously deployed in Iraq, said there is a lot of stress involved during a deployment and if a parent is stressed, the children also will be stressed.

Bontjes said to reduce stress a parent needs to make a strong commitment to their soldier, continue to make decisions together, keep a positive outlook on life, receive healthy touches from others and find ways to experience joy, such as shopping or eating.

To help preschool-age children deal with a parent being gone, Bontjes said the parent at home can plan family time, share meals and plan different activities. She also said parents and children of all ages need to keep the lines of communication open.

Ann Richter, Brainerd, said she is having difficulty with her 4-year-old son, Tate. She said Tate is angry and if he does not want to do something he will walk away. She said he knows that his dad is in Iraq, but he doesn't want to discuss it.

"Before (the deployment) he was fine," said Richter. "He just started to talk to his dad on the phone."

Bontjes said sometimes children don't want to talk about what is bothering them. She said having the child sing songs or having them draw what is bothering them may help.

Larry Helsene, who served 39 years in the Minnesota National Guard and who works with the Minnesota Family Assistance Center, said it can help a child to talk to their deployed parent by telephone. He said the parent at home could take a photograph of their child and send the photograph to the deployed parent while keeping another copy for the child. Helsene said then when the deployed parent calls home, that parent can talk with the child about the photograph.

Tressie Schneider, Brainerd, said her 4-year-old daughter, Angelica, has nightmares that her daddy is hurt. She said she talks to her daughter about the dream and tells her everything is OK.

JENNIFER STOCKINGER can be reached at jennifer.stockinger@brainerddispatch.com or 855-5851.