Maybe you should mix those hearts and flowers with some dollars and cents

NEW YORK -- After the hearts and flowers of Valentine's Day, perhaps it's time to start talking about the dollars and cents of your relationship.

"Most of us were brought up never to talk about money, to consider it the other person's very private business," said Corinna Barnard, a senior editor for the women's Internet site ivillage.com. "It's the last bastion of Victorianism."

But the fact is, love doesn't conquer all. Nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, and experts say money problems are often a major factor.

"If there was a way to wave a magic wand and make one change in the way people court and marry, my vote would be that before they say 'I do,' they learn a great deal more about the way each other expects to live," said Lee Borden, a divorce specialist who runs the Alabama Family Law Center in Birmingham.

He believes most young couples have trouble getting to the nitty-gritty questions: How much is appropriate to spend on a vacation? What level of savings is right for us? Should we pool everything we make, or are we going to have "his" money and "her" money? How do we go about making decisions for major purchases?

"I think conventional wisdom has it that it's a shortage of money that causes disputes," Borden said. "The real marriage breaker is when people have different expectations about money. They may be very wealthy, but have very different expectations about how money should be accumulated and how it should be spent."

Eleanor Blayney, a certified financial planner in McLean, Va., acknowledges that broaching the subject of money can be difficult, not only for people who are dating but for those who are married.

"Our attitudes about money are formed in our childhood," she said. "They're difficult to articulate, sometimes difficult even to recognize -- but they're very powerful."

High debt is among the issues that have arisen in recent years, she said, noting that many young people owe thousands of dollars on students loans, personal loans and credit cards.

"It may not sound very romantic, but I don't think you'd be remiss in asking to see your fiance's credit report," she said.

Couples also need to resolve how they will make major money decisions, she added.

On the Net:

www.ivillage.com

Borden's site: www.divorceinfo.com