Gun Advocate | BrainerdDispatch.com | Brainerd, Minnesota

Gun Advocate

Posted: February 11, 2013 - 7:46pm

OK, let’s say (hypothetically) I’m a murderer, rapist and burglar. Naturally, I am a huge advocate of gun control. You have to understand, I have a very hostile working environment. I may go to work tomorrow and break into someone’s home, only to be met by some irate homeowner with a gun who decides to protect his property.

Or, I may attack some woman at night only to find out that she is packing, and decides to defend herself.

Or, worst-case scenario, I may walk into some school with the idea of shooting up the place, only to be confronted by some crazy principal with a gun who shoots me before I can shoot anyone.

It’s a dangerous job. Therefore, I am asking you law-abiding citizens to please petition your senators and representatives to outlaw all firearms. It would sure make my job much easier.

And, don’t let them check my mental records, or I may have trouble buying a gun.

Understand the law would not apply to me because I am a professional outlaw. And it wouldn’t apply to Congress either, because few laws do. Besides, they have their own bodyguards.

OK, I’m just being facetious. I am none of the above, but I think you get my drift.

Remember, if guns kill people, then cars cause accidents and pencils misspell words, and all those other stupid cliches.

Anyway, have a nice day.

America, bless God.

Jim Falconer Sr.

Brainerd